we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I will be naked everywhere
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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