just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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