Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
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