brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
