matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
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