11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
