In the future we'll all be gay
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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