it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
