Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
