if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
