i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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