No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Panties = found
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize