I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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