do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
