This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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