Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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