There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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