wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
