Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Terrible idea I love it
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize