dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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