Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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