"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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