jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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