omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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