Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
