well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
