she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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