so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
