i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
