My room smells like vodka and shame
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
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