i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
