Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize