nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Drunk is not a location!
I forgot wine drunk hurts
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
