I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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