It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
