I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
