R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
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