I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
