Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
