sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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