On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize