i barfeds in our rink
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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