For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
