Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She said her name was "party"
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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