im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
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