i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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