I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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