And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
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