he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
