omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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