The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
