So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Randomize
