i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
