hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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