I hate your face
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
