I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
You need Xanax blowdarts
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
