i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
