she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
