dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
