she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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