Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
