Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
