I faked an abortion last night.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
