My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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