I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
why is half of my head shaved?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
