I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Randomize
