i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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