It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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