bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
