The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
